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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344768">thoughts he wished could be said</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/springeps/pseuds/springeps'>springeps</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>T@gged (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, brandon gets bruised a lot, trevor stans the princess and the frog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:53:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/springeps/pseuds/springeps</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Trevor Askill hates the way Brandon Darrow looks at his step-sister.</p><p>He knows he’ll never tell Brandon how he feels.<br/>But how could he? Years of a friendship had already been built; forming and twisting shared memories into a large Roman Empire, resemblant of their bond-- and all it would take is one event to send it crumbling.<br/>He couldn’t do it. He can’t risk it.</p><p>"And that’s okay," Trevor suggests to himself. "I guess it’s better to have a little bit of good with the pain as opposed to just nothing at all".</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Trevor Askill &amp; Brandon Darrow, Trevor Askill/Brandon Darrow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>thoughts he wished could be said</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is the first time ive written anything in like 4 years pls ... bear with me im so sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trevor is five when he first learns to ride his bike. </p><p>It only took his parents two days of “intense training” (as little Trevor had so diligently declared it) until the boy was able to pedal in steady circles around the cul-de-sac at the end of his street. Once he realized he could go five minutes straight without teetering over, he pedaled his little legs as fast as he could through the neighborhood to his best friend Brandon’s house. </p><p>He was confused when he saw Brandon sitting by himself in the yard, baseball mitt and ball in hand, with a large red mark on his forearm. </p><p>Brandon had just said he hit himself with the ball. </p><p>Not realizing that a baseball doesn’t leave a giant red welt in the shape of a handprint on the skin, Trevor shrugged it off. With twinkling eyes and a beaming smile, he proceeded to show his companion the shiny new bike his parents had bought him (red horn and all).</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Trevor is ten when he decides to watch <em> The Princess and the Frog </em>for the first time. </p><p>It quickly becomes his favorite movie, replacing <em>The Adventures of</em> <em>Sharkboy and Lavagirl</em> in the top slot. (Sharkboy is still his favorite character in the world, though. Sorry, Tiana. Maybe if you had fangs and were played by Taylor Launtner). </p><p>He decides to rewatch it one fateful afternoon post-school when Brandon stumbles through his back door, tripping over the indent the slider door creates with the grass of the Askill’s backyard. Trevor’s heart leaps, both at the jumpscare and at the sight of his best friend, lanky limbs and all, coming to visit him. In the moment, he didn't realize that the way his heart was squeezing was not the way you were supposed to feel looking at someone you only considered "just a friend". “Smooth”, Trevor laughed as he runs over to help the scrawny blonde from where he had smacked his forehead on the cool tile of Trevor’s kitchen. As he ran to get ice for the already-turning-purple head wound, Brandon sees the TV and remarks, “What are you, gay?”</p><p>Trevor’s bones become as chilled as the ice pack in his hands.<br/><br/></p><p>Trevor is sixteen when he realizes he is in love with Brandon Darrow. </p><p>He remembers the exact day, exact moment, exact SECOND it hit him (it wasn’t <em>nearly</em> poetic as it sounds-- he was eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets). Trevor assumes he’s known it all along, but was just too scared to admit it. He hates Brandon’s dumb, goofy smile that rarely comes out, but when it does, it lights up the room. He hates how Brandon can dye his hair any color without it looking bad. Trevor hates how he thinks about Brandon when he watches <em>Stand By Me</em>; he hates how Brandon’s face contorts into pure tranquility and concentration whenever the two get together to roll joints. He hates how that new song Rowan played for him in the car, “Looking Out for You” by Joy Again, immediately reminded him of Brandon, despite its upbeat-ukulele tempo. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I guess I should stop </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Looking out for you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Like I always do </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When will you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Start looking out for me too </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Instead of leaving me staring at my shoes </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He hates the fact that Brandon Darrow, the most popular kid in school, could replace Trevor at any moment without a second thought; how Brandon would be able to go on as if nothing happened, despite the fact that the two had been inseparable since kindergarten. </p><p>Whenever Brandon had scraped his knee, Trevor was there with a wet towel and band-aid. Whenever Brandon had failed a test, Trevor was there at his house for hours, helping him learn the material for the re-take.</p><p>Whenever Brandon had gotten himself into yet another breakup with a girl, Trevor was always there with movies, munchies, a shoulder to cry on, and a little extra weed. (Brandon wasn’t much of a crier, but every now and then Trevor picked a sad movie on purpose just to get that extra inch closer to him).</p><p>Trevor knows it’s unlikely for him to be dropped, but the fact that it could happen was enough to plant the seed in his mind; spreading and growing, eventually causing a flower of worry to flourish. Especially if Brandon ever found out about him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Just the way you're glancing at me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Something about you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Just makes me feel guilty for </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Liking you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When you're with him </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When you're with him </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Trevor Askill hates the way Brandon Darrow looks at his step-sister.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This is a love song for a girl </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Who will never know it's about her </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Know it's pretty stupid </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But I'm much too shy to tell her </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Trevor knows he’ll never tell Brandon how he feels.</p><p>But how could he? Years of a friendship had already been built; forming and twisting shared memories into a large Roman Empire, resemblant of their bond-- and all it would take is one event to send it crumbling.</p><p>He couldn’t do it. He can’t risk it.</p><p><em> And that’s okay </em> , Trevor suggests to himself. <em> I guess it’s better to have a little bit of good with the pain as opposed to just nothing at all. </em> </p><p> </p><p>And so Trevor carries on, now 18 years old, with lingering gazes and touches and the thoughts he wished could be said.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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